I should 'ask Jesus into my heart'. I prayed a prayer after her, but my heart still felt empty.

Sadly, my mother's bi-polar condition worsened, so there were turbulent years for the whole family.

From school I went to college in Bristol to train as a teacher. I gravitated to the Christians in College but was confronted with a crisis of identity. Was I a Christian? It proved a painful first year wrestling with inner conflicts.

At the start of the second year, quite a number of new Christians arrived. One in particular stood out. It was not just her auburn hair and blue eyes. She was very certain about her relationship to Jesus. We had some lengthy discussions, and for the first time I was able to share the turmoil I was feeling.

My head knowledge about grace and forgiveness began to change into heart understanding. For the first time I came to really believe and feel that God did love me, and that because of Jesus' death on the Cross I was forgiven and accepted.

My third year was spent in France as an assistant teacher of English in a French school. I proved God's grace straight away. I discovered a little French Baptist Church about 20 miles from the "collège".

Knocking nervously on the next door "presbytère", I was greeted by the pastor's wife. It turned out that she had just said goodbye to their only son who was now studying in the USA. She saw me as God's provision – and it was certainly His provision for me. I learnt so much, over the year, from that loving Spirit-filled church.

I returned to marry my auburn-haired "counsellor"! Six years later we had added three children, and we were living in Kent. We continued to prove God's faithfulness. In 1980 Carol was diagnosed with cancer and given six months to live.

However, God spoke to her one night saying, "I will keep you alive". We shared it with the family and agreed to trust God rather than the doctors. God kept her alive for 17 more years!

There is much more to the story, but one Bible verse has been a beacon for me; Rom. 8:28: "God works in everything for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose for them". It's true!

John Hodgkinson

Why I Am a Christian

I don’t think I ever made a conscious decision to become a Christian. In reality it was something that crept up on me. Before I fully realised that a call was being made on my life, I was becoming aware I was moving in a particular direction. What I did know was there was something missing in my life. But how can that be when one is happily married with two special children and two very special grandsons? I had everything that I could possibly need in my life, so what was missing?

I saw the difference being a Christian had made to my wife Pauline, so there must be ‘something’ in it. I suppose I was searching for ‘that something’ when I decided to sign up for the Alpha course. For the first time I felt able to talk about my relationship with God and Jesus without feeling awkward or embarrassed. It was no ‘road to Damascus’ experience for me, but something positive was clearly happening in my life. (Contd.)